EM

Winter wonder land came to Americas west coast on Wednesday. People were calling me of the clock freaking out over the fact that I was driving, Thursday came and Jennifer was snowed in at my place, we took a trip to wall mart, got my oil changed and spend 2 hours at wall mart, buying stuff that we didn't really need, or I bought stuff that I didn't really need - but wall mart is cheap, right? Right! When we got out the air was white and silent snow came falling down. Johnny called Jennifer and asked why the hell we were out driving and told us to go home and start drinking wine, so we did. I couldn't understand what it was all about, it's just some snow, right? Right! Well, apparently the country of monster cars has people in it who doesn't know how to drive in the snow. I loved it, it made me feel like home, and homesickness wasn't as bad as it have been for the last two weeks, because god damn it - we have snow in Washington and A LOT of it! Love it! But it's true, people aren't prepared and they don't know how to drive in this type of weather, but why would they? I mean, hell yeah, it's easy to sit here and blame Americans for not being able to drive in snow, but when the Seattle are has snow maybe 1 week a year, why would they be experts in driving in the snow? It's not like Sweden who trips around in snow from November to late April. So driving right now it's not my favourite thing to do, not that I don't trust my self driving in snow and ice, but because I don't trust that the car behind me wont crash in to me if I for some reason need to hit the break, or that the car ahead of me wont start sliding down trying to get up the hill. No, safe before anything else - stay home, drink wine and play with Prince - that's my thing to do right now. Me and Maria are going for a power walk soon! After that I have an ugly sweater party to attend, my sweater is way ugly and pictures will be uploaded shortly after tonight!
On Thursday I had friends over for dinner and wine, we played charades, finished 8 bottles of wine and enjoyed each others company - I do have some great people in my life and I have honestly never felt happier with my life then right now.

Christmas is coming up, on Wednesday, and I have no feelings but homesickness. Holiday spirit isn't there and I can't feel a thing, I just feel sorry that I can't be with my family. It will be my first Christmas in 21 years without my moms Christmas food, my siblings giggling and excitement for Santa to arrive, I can honestly say that I will even miss my father arguing with me - which is something that always happens if we are looked down in the same house for more then 4 hours, which is easy done on Christmas, family time stays in the house. It will be difficult, but I also know that it's the right thing to do, it's time to grow up and move on and create my own life. I never take the easy road to anything, and especially to road to finding myself, that road isn't supposed to be easy and I search for every opportunity I get to grow as a person and find new sides of my self that I didn't know I had and learn how to deal with that and learn more about myself and how I work in certain situation, like being apart of my family. Being apart from my family is something that I have been for a long time now, and that's difficult when we are a very closed family, but at the same time I don't fit in and I need to be on my own to learn how to appreciate our differences and learn to take my place in our family. My part will never be to live in the house next to my fathers, or going to dinner and wine every Tuesday with my mother. I don't fit in the pattern of a close family as it's put by society. But I can still be close to my family even though I'm here, I believe that my relationship to my family is stronger today then it has ever been. I just realizing this while I'm writing. I need to do my own thing without having my family watching every step that I'm taking, and therefore I need to be far away from them. Because they don't agree with the life I choose for my self, but that's okay, cause it's my life and I need to live it - sometimes closeness isn't how close you are in the world, close is what you are when you hit a type of understanding in the other persons life without being in the same room and still love and still feel a deep connection, that's real friendship and that's the bond of a family, and bond I would never would have got with my family if I would have stayed back home.

Love, em.