So there have been things told to me, people who randomly have asked me questions about the first weekend of july - what actually happened that weekend and what was said and done. I could play the same game. I could tell the story the way it really happend and maybe then, people would stop thinking badly about me for something that was never done - because if some of the things people ask me would be true, I would be a horrible person, but it's not true and I am not a horrible person and I will not task by task tell my story about what happend the way someone else have allready done with a twisted story. I dont feel the need to tell the world my story, I know what happend and that's plenty enough for me. But there are a few things that I feel the need to say, because it's getting beyond redicilous.

- I didn't leave anyone anywhere, I was left and a wonderful person in my life drove the car for 18,5 hours to pick me up, and the another 20 hours drive to bring me home when my sobbing made it impossible for me to drive. (and I was alone in the car with him, no one was there with me, an airplane left earlier that day to a distance far far away)
- And I also believe that everyone are always responssible for themself and can't blame other people for immatureness and drunkness, the same way as I can't be angry at someone else because I forget to close my tab and leaving the bar in the middle of the night without it.

I still don't blame anyone else for anything, I still don't feel the need of telling my story - I just needed to clear of a few key points. Sometimes people should be quiet since they are the ones in the complete wrong light and if the truth really comes out maybe they wouldn't be dancing with all the sympathy anymore.

There is one thing I would like to explain.
I don't care about this weekend and maybe that is why I dont care about my own story or what story is being told, I just don't want people to walk around speaking to language of lies.
I don't care about this weekend, I don't care about the actions of others or the long car drive home or the draining account from food stops, gas lines and motels.
I don't care about this weekend because everytime I try to care, or try to think about it, it makes me angry and it makes me bitter - because 2 weeks after this weekend another weekend was dawned on me and it was the weekend with my wedding as a big red mark on the calander and I did not have one person there from my family or friends whom known med for longer than 2 years - why? becuase I planed my wedding this date for a sertain reason and that reason left me and leaving me there wasn't the problem, the problem for me was, and always will be the fact that I was left on my wedding day in tears of homesickness and the feeling of letting my parents down because I choosed someone else to be there instead of having my whole family fly in for a new years eve wedding which originally was the big plan. So yes, I am a little bitter and I am a little angry and I'm working hard on forgetting the whole thing - but this is why a weekend in the beginning of the month isn't that important for me and I really don't care about a situation that I didn't create in the first place, what's important for me and makes the situation unforgiveble is the fact that the actions created by someone else this weekend ruined the most important day of my life and that.. is something, that I will never forgive.

But that's all behind me, but it's hard to put something like that behind me when other people can not do the same and when I get question after question that implies something that is so far away from the truth and questions that puts me in a extremly bad light.

Today has been one of these long days again and tomorrow is the last day of my vaccation time - malin and magnus left today after an amazing week with tons and tons of fun stuff on the agenda. It was so good to see my best friend and get to know her significant other better, it was a visit from home with a clear success.
We went to forks, drove up to the volcano, walked around my old campus, eat turkey in big amounts on the traditional thanksgiving day, bowled, drank pitchers with beers, played beerpong, walked around downtown seattle, went on a boat trip in the bay, eat good food, went to a bar on capitol hill, had a swedish christmas with food from ikea.. we had a really good time, and a very busy  time so tomorrow is a resting day from my vaccation.

Tuesday is my first day back at work and then I will be hitting it hard until my last day there february 9th and then february 16th I will once again stand on swedish soil hugging my beloved family again, my family that I miss so so so much.

love, em.