have been on emotional drive the last couple of weeks, the kind of zsa zsa zsu that makes you feel like you're standing with one foot in heaven and the other one in hell - frustration, frustration, frustration. How to be, how to act and how to communicate - how it feels like every move can be life changing, where every move mathers.
You can't play games, but you can't be too real, you can't keep your guard up but you can't take it down. You can't wait to dive, to feel the happiness stream over you like cold water on a hot summer day. But you also know, that if you dive, the end of that fall might not be as pleasent as the scenario you're now making up in your head.. and if that happens, then what do you do? you just jumped out of a window without a lifeline - the fall will hurt. But before you fall, before you dive, before you throw yourself out there the outcome will always be unknow.
I'm there, I jumped, and I dived, I took down that wall I built up for protection. I'm now falling, without knowing the outcome, without knowing if it's going to hurt or not..
Words of wisdom - oh wow - why do I never listen?
It's never been like this - I'v never been this scared of the outcome - not because I'm less sure - but because the outcome has never meant as much as it does now.

love,
em.