I'm laying on my bed, with mowglie sleeping with his head resting on my leggs and wondering about those questions we sometimes ask ourself, the retorical ones, the ones no one ever really have the right answers to, because there are no right answers - there are only those answers we give ourselfs, to either make ourself feel better or make up excuses for others around us - I believe I'm doing both right at this moment.
Life hit me hard last week and the weekend before that and no one is walking away as a winner and anyone who thinks they are, are highly deluded.
I have always been taught - there is always two sides of every story, but don't argue yours until you are asked, the people around you that stops and ask to hear your side of the story are the ones worth keeping around - the rest? those were never that close to you to begin with so let them walk away and miss nothing about them.
A bad person is a person that makes bad decissions with bad intention - and then you have me and the most of the rest of us who makes bad decission that are honest misstakes.
I make misstakes.
One misstake I made was to enter a situation that so many others wanted to destroy and sabotage from the beginning, fihting it, hoping it would change with time - so are those people winners now when something finally broke a part? No one is a winner in this situation, and there are no solutions to sit around and try to find. But to sit around and blame other people who allready lost, is something I can't see the point in - I'm just done, I'm done trying to figure things out.

The friends in my life don't judge, don't pick sides or finding flaws in others to either make them self feel better or de-justify an action allready been made - they support. Misstake or no misstake, heartbroken or ridiciously happy, inlove or full of hate, future goals or past regrets - they are always there, sharing my life, my experiences, my heart ache and my dreams.

Through every down, there is an up - and through every up there is a down.
But the balance in life is always symetrical if you keep trying to search for just that balance, it's there, right infront of you and you will find it as long as you don't stear yourself blind on the part that might feel overwhealming at the time. In life I try to make sure that when its shooting down hill, I'm still looking up and  that's what I have done this weekend - despite one shitty stituation that made me sick to my core, I had an amazing weekend due to friends and people around me. Despite the fact that I on one hand felt like I couldn't do much right, I felt loved, important ond cared for.

So I guess my questions wont be asked, this problem wont be solved and my story will never be transfered - but this is okay because I realized something that's more important, that I absolutly love my life and the people I have in it and situtions that draines you more then they give you energy must be removed from your life, sometimes a fix for the problem isn't enough, sometimes you need to remove yourself and learn from your experiense.

A break-up, seperation or any other kind where two stories will be created, where someone will get hurt and someone will become the bad guy - is hard, whatever side you're on, it's hard. There is no winning, there is no easy way out - but again, there is two sides of every story and if you asked for mine you're still in my life, if you didnt jump to conclussion that false accusation was true, you're still in my life. If you didn't ask at all, because you know me better than that or actually just don't care, because you know it's not you're business, then you're right next to me.

It is between him and me. not me and all his friends. this again, is not high school.
If I get heartbrooken, they hand me a bottle of wine and tell me to cry it out, without attacking the sorce. 
If I make one of those misstakes, they tell me, dude you fucked up but I still love you.
Thant's what friendship is. Those other actions, I can't speak for - it's dumb, dramatic and very immature and I don't understand it.



Love, em.