EM

Be someone before you try to become something.

happy halloween!

Kategori: Let's do it.

I'm at writing moment at questfield watching easter washington univerisity kick portland states uni's ass. 33 to 4, starting 3 period. I'm laughing my ass of at cheerleaders that flies in the air and watching people because it doesn't matter how hard I try, fotball doesn't entertain me, especially not division 2 college fotball, even if its taking place at seahawks arena, the very same arena fredrik ljungberg plays the sounders on. But its halloween, 31st of october and a little chillt, good friends are surounding and I'm reliving the collge experience and loving the surrounding more then the actual game.That's how it is with fotball, sure I can get into it when its an even game, but 33 to 4, come on! Even a soccer game 4 to 0 will bordom me to death. Sooooo, I'm preparing for a fun night out!!! Pictures of outfit will apear later on. Love,em

rude to a complete stranger, a child or a friend.

Kategori: Let's do it.

The stress from home. The frustration of dissapointments. The hopes that gets taken apart. The fights that I never start but always have to end. The face I need to keep to not trig anything off. The lack of peace, the lack of communication, the constant feeling of being picked on. Playing a game that I can never win, a game I don't have or know the rules for. It feels like a bad dream, the once you know are a dream but you can not wake up. The feeling of something heavy on my chest. The feeling of not being able to breath or move freely. The feeling of editing your emotions and feelings so nothing slips out wrong. The feeling of not being myself, the feeling of needing to be someoneelse, the feeling of someone else wanting you to be different - quiter, easier to control and more obeing. - I don't know what to do, its breaking me apart from inside and there is no way to communicate that feeling of hoplessness. This changes me. I snap - at the kids at school, my dear friends who are always there to help, love and support, at complete strangers at the supermarket. I'm loosing myself - again. Re-focus? I don't know how. Love, em.

panic.

Kategori: Let's do it.

I feel like there is something in my chest craving to get out - it feels like an anxiety attack coming closer and closer, like I'm a ticking bomb, waiting to explode. Crying won't help, it only feeds the panic flowing through my system.. I'm so homesick that it hurt deep to the core. I don't only miss my family, my moms food, my fathers discussion, my sisters gossip trips or my brothers teasing - I miss my whole country, I miss the food at the grocery store, I miss the people walking on the street minding their own bussines, I miss walking into a store and not having people being overly nice to me, I miss the pizza around the corner, I miss sitting at a cafe reading a newspaper, I miss tons of things.. Family, culture, food.. It feels like I'm getting lost, loosing my focus, loosing my reasoning for why I am here.. My husband is here. My work is here. My friends are here. I can get a work at home. I have friends at home. My husband.. That's the tricky part. I can't be apart from him and he can't move. So what do I do with this panic and my homesick? Love em

disturbia.

Kategori: Let's do it.

So I watched this movie about this nearoutic mother who was more anal than I could ever imagine any real human being to be. But I did reflect on one thing that she did to protect her family and children.
Watchdog.
Its a webpage where you can look up the sex offenders in your area - it got me interested.
How safe is it where I live, and I got a heart attack and started looking for tickets to move my family to safer areas.
In my area it goes 1 km to all sides from my house, 1 km east, 1 km west, 1 km south and 1 km north.
244 offenders.
in my apartment complex alone, 11 offenders.

and this, is nothing.
further downtown tacoma, renton or seattle - you could bearly see the map for all the red dots.

irgh.

love, em.

Saturday morning.

Kategori: Let's do it.

The washington rain is again falling over endless mass of trees, mountains and sound.
- There is always a negative taste to everything well. Like the beaty of living in the evergreen state, where mountains, vulcanoes, ocean and sounds makes washington one of the most beautiful places I have ever been lucky enought to see, feel and be a part of. But it is also the place where the fall is long and the rain is heavy and a never ending story to our climate.
I'm listening to the lyrics of Lykke Li and remember the days when not everyone else loved her, that was the day when her words helped me through these fally gloomy days - but now, which is nothing but godness for her everone seems to love and adore her.
Swedish pride, huh, I didn't feel alot of pride as I sat at starbucks last week and her new song possibility floated out of the speakers - I guess that's what happens when you write the song for the movie new moon which is a part of a film serie that's the biggest hit since the lord of the ring triologi hit the theaters.

It's saturday, and I just awoke from a 15 hours night of fevery nightmares and not as much of a relaxation but I woke up feeling better - I guess that's whats counts.
I remember the good times and good days when a few days of sickness still payed 80% of your daily income, the days where you actually could afford to be home sick, so that way I guess I should be happy that fever came friday instead of monday or tuesday. But stay at home without any income coming in is not really an option. Guess that's a price to pay living where I live, in the country where that is.

I need to get on with my day, a little adventure is never wrong.
saturday night scareness.

love, em

When it gets darker.

Kategori: Let's do it.

"it's doesn't and not don't" - really right now, we are correcting my english?

On saturday I got into the car and hit the 101 outside olympia, drove north all the way up to port angeles and then 101 south until I came to Forks, ate at the in place before I went to the grocery store, stored up with a bottle of wine and drove down to la push.
There was a full moon, stars and waves that peacefully kissed the beach.
I found my peace again after weeks of stress with too much to do and too little time to my help. Everyone who have ever known me know that when work, social life you don't have time to maintain and other issues gets to wrapped up and there is no way to keep you head above the surface any longer - I gotta run.
The car ride is only a bonus / lots of great music / lots of time to think and space out for a while.

As I got back I fullfileld my wish and tons of more energy for this working week and an exciting weekend ahead.
I'm even finding energy to go out this weekend, which the familia appriciates. And I need to do some updating in my closet, so some serious shopping will be done as well.

After a long run this night when the clock hit 7 p.m before I could turn the day into night, which means that it was to late for hot yoga and no fun classes at L.A fitness, but to my suprise I found it to be fall - just like that, and I guess that I'v been to wrapped up in my own stress to see the sign of the summer passing by and fall entering in again.
But to my shock there was so dark!
In sweden when fall falls there is darkness like nothing else but one thing that we don't see here as soon as you step outside from downtown is that there are no streetlights

weakness of the human memory.

Kategori: Let's do it.

Sometimes I wish that I had a super memorycard where I could save all my memories and go back to them whenever I wanted and relive them as they just happened and the memorie inside me would be as refreshed as it happened 5 minutes ago.
I wish I could remember everything.
I wish I could remember the smell of my mothers scones.
I wish I could remember the exciting feeling of not being able to sleep the day before christmas or before birthdays.
I wish I could feel the urge to go through the closet the weeks before christmas and check out what santa was to bring.
I wish that I could remember the butterflies that very first day of school.
I wish I could remember that first feeling of attachment to my first boyfriend.
I wish I could remember the joy of being a child playign with my siblings.
I wish I could remember those many family nights, with take out pizza and fangarna pa fortet pa 4an.
I wish I remember the rainy evening on a campsite somewhere in sweden, or those snowy nights and and days i bjursas where we had our husvagn the whole winter.

And I sure do remember all these things, I sure do remember the joy of winning a soccer game at the age of 11, and the joy of beating my father at some card game, even though that almost never happened, he always sat on the winning hand.
But even though I remember all this..
Its so weak.
I have the memories but they don't really tell me much and I cant keep a long memory, there are only glimts.


Now, there is Bones, grays anatomy and private practise!

love, em.