I always think too much, or I have in the past.
I always want too much, or I have in the past.
Past sentence tend to come often with me.
I used to be like that, I used to want that, I used to do that.
I plugged in my old Ipod today, and the tunes took me back to 2007-2009.
I got so sentimental I then started to go through old pictures and I don't recognize the girl in the pictures anymore.
Keith always says, looking at old picture " you look so happy in these pictures " I have always answered this statement with, what? I don't look happy now? not like you did then is the answer.
Today as I'm going through pictures again, I see what he means.
It's not happiness - it's carefree.
I am happier today than I was then. For many reasons.
I mean, I would do anything, to have one more week out of my college years or the years after that back, when I was living with my best friend, partying it up, went on unplanned road trips, took midnight walks down at redondo talking about nothing, going to the gym to meet people, waiting for that text that never came, went on date you wish you didn't and the high you felt after a date you wish you could re-do soon.
Yeah, it was fun. It was care free.
I didn't have to worry about the future, because I was living up my present, I didn't what you're supposed to do at that age and I realize today how blessed Im to have lived the life I have lived until I found the man I decided to settle down with.
That's why I am happier today then I was then.
It was a shallow happiness I was feeling back then, I lived for the day and my highs could just as easily become crashing and burning down.
Today, I'm most of all secure in who I am.
I might not have the future figured out yet, but I know that I have lived a life full of action, happiness, lessons and love.
I am in the inbetween land right now.
I have my best friend by my side everyday. I have my daughter who is the biggest blessing of them all.
Now I just need to take all the things I learned in my careless days and bind it together to what I can use i my life today and in my futre, how to build a career and how to move on from this midstage I'v landed on.
I have calmed down and believe me, after so many years of being all over the place, it feels good to settle down. I am happy I did live that live and that I today can move on to settle down without feeling lost or feel that I want that life back, because I don't, that girl was lost, she was crazy, she was all over the place.. Yeah that girl had fun, but damn, I would never relive those years again.
I wont be a blogg mom.
But I do enjoy blogging, and I'm taking it up again.
Lets see what direction it's heading.
I am letting it have a life of its own.
Love,
Em
